mckenzington

I don't know what an ending feels like, and that's because I've never let myself feel one - I learned in school that on the seventh day God rested  and if someone as omnipotent  as him can catch a break then surely it should be easier than this but if you never stop going maybe you'll forget where you started - maybe you'll forget that there was something before this migraine of a memory at all and man, I think I just need some time I wish I could crawl in between the spaces where calm hides but maybe those spaces are a worn out CD on a rainy day, a t-shirt so old you forget where you got it; maybe they're you: your run-on sentences and how you remind me of Christmas hearths or they're the plume of a Virginia cigarette or realizing that every home is new before it's old and to be honest, I'm sure that in the same way that the universe moves us all towards each other painfully slowly, I am moving too: the sa

I remember a time before. I remember it because I keep going back to it, like a squirrel who stored nuts for the winter; but also like a squirrel who stored nuts for the winter, it takes me a little while to find the place again. She kept me warm on the most unexpectedly cold days. She listened to the water that poured out of me on the rainy days and she listened well because she understood me. We were alike, but as much as two people joined by the word "stepmother" could be. I loved Christmas. I loved wearing the sweaters she gave me every year to wear to Christmas dinner and I remember a time before I had to go cry in the bathroom, wiping my runny nose on the sleeve of the sweater that I didn't really like that much anyway. Before arguments that don't involve me. Before arguments that do involve me. Before grief of something I lost that claims it has found itself. What mattered in this time was that she cleaned up blood that didn't match hers when I scraped

I'm not sure if it's their wet grins or their fingers that curl into the shape of a gun trigger but some people seem to camp rent free so easily in other's hearts. I am no exception to any rules but I have stopped blaming myself for doing what I could, for sometimes being less outspoken than I should have been, and for surviving the way I do. Just because you managed to get your tongue down my throat does not mean that I am easy. I am not easy because I have instead learned to be easy on myself when I'm not strong enough to do the right thing. I have learned that when Ferris tells you life goes by pretty fast, you should listen to him and take a look around. Tell me about your favourite movie, teach me about what makes you laugh and what makes you cry. As Stephen King said, we all look the same when we're puking the gutter. So tell me you're not afraid to see what's at the bottom, because we all do at some point. Let's be easy on ourselves when one o