mckenzington

you mess everything up. those words often haunt my brain, every inch of my bones and flesh, my every being, and consume me until i believe it for myself. my silly little error that i've made takes over and breaks me into tiny pieces one by one until i'm left in my own darkness and begging to go back in time and redo everything. the little voice is neither wrong nor right. we all make mistakes. that's just how us as stupid human beings are. but one thing that we rarely do is accept that our mistakes are what make us more intelligent, and well, its okay to make them. we can't let our failures break us down or let us cry. you cry until you laugh, you laugh until you cry and everyone must breathe until their dying breath. i always think of those lyrics and they give me the sort of hope and comfort for when i really, really need it. time after time, i make what i think are the worst decisions for myself. i've made myself believe that sometimes i just can't choo

one of the small enjoyments of christmas that give me that little feeling of awe is the christmas decorations in downtown hamilton. whether it be the 'happy holidays' sign on the highway, always shining green and red, or the elaborate florescent bows and presents on the streetlights, or the hanging signs that are meant solely to spread christmas cheer. when i used to live in downtown hamilton, my heart would lift in the slightest when i was in the car and drove past the decorations or looking from the window of the condo down into the bustling city and seeing all of the lights. now that i think of it, even when it isn't christmas, the lights of the city at night make me feel happy. the light pollution, not so much, but the cars going to and fro at night, even if i don't know a single person in those cars, its still comforting to see people bustling through the city and surrounded by lights, and maybe they're sharing my thoughts.