mckenzington

it's really beautiful how, without fail, i tend to mourn past versions of myself. what i mean to say is, i'll look at an old photo of me and think of that me so fondly. i'll be so kind to her, and wonder where that me went. i'll say, "she was so pretty, she was so gentle, she was so intelligent. i'm a shell of her." i do this without fail every 6 months to one year. there are certain versions i like better than others. there are some that i look back on with the keen sting of hindsight, and laugh her off as a more naive but bright-eyed version of myself. the beauty of this is, these past versions of myself didn't always like the present edition. all i needed was time and wisdom for the self-loathing to fade away. i don't know what this says about me. lately my fixation has been my hair. i miss my long hair. it was fun and debaucherous and i want to be fun and debaucherous again. instead, in the words of charles darwin, i am very poorly and very stu