It's just the right way to play the game

It's almost hilarious listening to people argue over rules of the game. Sometimes the tension above tiny checker pieces or flimsy cards can't even be cut with a knife - it requires a power saw. Everyone has their own way of playing backgammon or euker, and none of these ways seem to be the right one. To me, games are something done in passing. Games are played so that you can talk to your friends and family, or so you can drink cider and eat cheese and crackers. They are rarely played for the sake of playing. That's why they're called pastimes. I think we're all just passing time, and I don't think there's a right way to do it.

I can never tell whether life is unfair or simply kicking our asses. I think about how minds change. Some say that actions are not a product of reactivity, but of fault. It seems entirely unfair for someone to have a conversation, see a film, or read a book, and in that moment decide that their view of someone has changed. Suddenly and recklessly. Like weather. There was some life-altering truth in a coffee stained exchange with a close friend or in a film about love, and now they see a certain person that's been on their mind differently. But this person that has changed has no idea. They've done nothing. They actually haven't changed. Neither has their friend. It was external factors that changed your friend's mind, and it will be external factors that change yours. Rarely do we change our own minds.

We can't say that life is unfair. What makes us entitled to fairness? Who measures this fairness? We just get our asses kicked. That much is true. I think there's more truth in the way that emotions can manifest into physical pain than the million pixels that make up a single word on a screen. Then again, it could just be heart burn.

I'm trying to be okay with things that don't make sense. The world will continue to spin if I don't understand, and it will if I do. I think I'm just terrified of the latter. I don't know the right way to play the game, I just call it unfair. You don't either. Someday we'll know. And if we don't, we'll just blame it on the changing of the weather.